Spring Time Depression

Hello Loves,

It is officially spring and even though I enjoy the cold weather of winter, I am SO happy for it to be over soon. So… why am I and so many other people depressed?

Between February and mid April I noticed are always the hardest months for dealing with my mental health, but after talking to my therapist and other people it seems I am not alone in this. There are a couple of theories as to why this is an issue, but the one that makes the most sense to me is human emotions are usually delayed by a half season.

Let me explain…

Many people get extremely excited and happy towards the end of summer because of fall and the aesthetic that comes with it. Are we more excited for fall because we had an adequate amount of sunshine and warmth for three and a half months meaning we have more serotonin in our brains? I think of this theory when it comes to spring time depression. We go through three and a half months of cold and snow (depending on where you live) and don’t get as much sunshine as we would other times of the year. So now that we are transitioning into spring, do we not have as much joy because we are so used to the cold winter?

The reason I say our emotions are delayed half a season is because when we transition into a new season it usually takes time for us to get used to the change. The first half of winter is usually an exciting time because of snow and cold and that cozy aesthetic, but once we reach this current point in the year we are very much over it. I notice I deal with this every year and I am learning now how to prepare for it for the future.

Do you have this spring time depression issue? What is your favorite season?

Also, I understand not everyone will feel this way but I am curious as to why. Do you spend the same amount of time outside all year round? Do you take supplements? Do you just thoroughly enjoy the cold?

Either way, I hope this spring treats you well and I send good vibes to you if not.

Talk soon.

Nicole xo

Redesigning My Blog

Hello Loves,

I hope everyone is doing well! Life has been busy and hectic as usual and I decided to come on here again because well… I miss it.

Since I am here, I have been thinking about how to revamp my blog and make my page more visually appealing while also making it more me. I have a few ideas as to what I want to produce on this page and I am struggling with finding a theme/display I want!

I do know I want a page which is bright and welcoming and I was wondering if there were themes or designs you really enjoy using! Or even some advice as to make it more personable.

I miss you all so much and I can’t wait to update you all on what I have been up too. 🙂

Talk soon.

Nicole xo

Keep Going

Hello my loves,

It has been a minute since I have posted here. I miss it. I miss you guys.

I have been engaging in a lot of self reflection lately. It will always amaze me how much life can change so drastically in such a short period of time. My birthday recently past and even though I didn’t do anything special, it was still a very meaningful day.

At the beginning of this year I was convinced I would not be alive to see my 22nd birthday. I had relapsed with my eating disorder, I was self-harming again, and I was very very suicidal… My depression gave me this obscured view of the world where I truly believed no one cared about me. I didn’t understand why anyone would care for me. I stopped seeing a future for myself where I’d think about my future and it would be dark. It didn’t exist. This scared me. So I made the decision to admit myself into a hospital which looking back was one of the best decisions I have ever made for my life.

Today, I am back in school. I have goals again. I can confidentially say with no doubt that I love myself. Truly love myself. I realize now that people actually love me for me and I came to realize this only by learning to love myself. In return? I ended up meeting someone. Kinda.. haha.

I came to the realization my previous relationship was not only toxic, but abusive. This relationship hurt me in many ways in which I won’t get into, but I am now in a relationship that still seems like a dream to me.

I’d like to introduce you to my best friend and now boyfriend: Ray.

This guy has been one of my closets friends since I was 13 years old.

He treats me better than I could’ve ever dreamed. He loves every part of me, even the parts I’m still learning to love.

I bring him up because if I had followed through with my suicidal intentions I wouldn’t have known what actual love is. Both self and partner love.

So, keep going. Keep going for you. Keep going for your future. Because I can promise you it truly truly gets better.

I know what dark days feel like. I would be lying if I said I was 100% better now. But I am 90%. You can get there too. I promise.

Nicole xo

P.S. I will write more soon ❤

Life is Actually a Pretty Wonderful Thing

Hello beautiful people,

Life, as we all know, can be a bit challenging at times. We often face things we never ought to expect. A loss of a loved one, finances, learning who you can and cannot trust, and occasionally a torn ligament are just some things we never seem to think about until they occur. In very unfortunate scenarios they can happen all at once. We then begin to feel sorry for ourselves and have thoughts such as “why me?” or “I must have done something to deserve this.” or we just sit and cry until we feel like our lungs are about to burst. The feeling of being overwhelmed is very real, and others always seem to handle it better than you can. Why? Is it because they have their lives figured out? Because they are just naturally able to deal with many tasks at once? Everyone has their own ways of dealing with these issues, but I have recently come to the realization as to what works for me along with many others: self love.

Yes. Self love. If you learn to have a solid relationship with yourself, then you will notice how that acts as a foundation in which you will face all the good and bad. I am in no way a professional in this topic, but I have encountered life once or twice and I have learned a few things along the way.

When walking along the path to finding self love, an enormous thing to remember is that happiness is internal. Yes it is true that giving and helping others makes one feel good and accomplished, but you cannot pour from an empty glass. You cannot expect to have true happiness and self love when you place everyone before your self. At the end of the day you are the one you will be spending all your time with, and it is draining to be around someone you aren’t happy with 24/7.

It is so easy for us to list 5 things we hate about ourselves, but we are stumped when it comes to naming 5 good things. We tend to feel selfish when we praise ourselves (believe me I know), but it is so important to recognize when we do good! Even if we address the little things such as “I woke up today.” or looking in the mirror every morning and saying one positive thing about your self. Those actions go a long way. Trust me when I say that if you hear/say something enough you will begin to believe it.

Now if you are someone with mental illnesses such as depression and anxiety, these tasks may seem a bit daunting at first (again.. I know). But the only true way to be able to conquer those demons is to fight back. Fight back with joy, happiness, and love. Believe me when I say that, love always wins.  Once you see how love wins in every battle you face with yourself, you will one day realize that love will win/won the war too. It is by no means an easy task. Trust me. I have dealt with depression, anxiety, and anorexia for a good portion of my life and there has been nothing more difficult than smothering all three.

I am in no way 100% healed from all the issues I deal with, but I am also no where near where I was years ago, or even months ago. I have come to a point in my recovery where I am loving myself more and I am starting to appreciate life on levels I have never witnessed before. Nature is more beautiful, humans and their souls are more beautiful. You begin to develop a new level of maturity where you actively avoid negative people and situations because those situations will affect your self love.

At the end of the day, make time for the things you love. They are here for you and are honestly what make life so absolutely wonderful.

Nicole xo

P.S. The video below is a video by one of my favorite YouTubers who goes into more detail regarding this topic. Disclaimer: It is not a cure. Just something to help ❤

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z-O6bVKU0qY

 

Hello, New Orleans

Hello Loves!

Sorry I have been away for a while, I have many things to update you on! But first I wanted to show you my trip to New Orleans!

This city is one of the most beautiful places I have ever visited. The architecture and the culture is so stunning and fun.

 The weather was perfect the entire time we were there! It felt nice to feel the sun again ^.^

The hotel we stayed at had this beautiful exposed brick all over the walls which really brought out some amazing character.

The hotel also had a court yard with this fun water fountain.

On our first full day, we went to this restaurant which used to be a mansion during the 1800’s. The chandelier was the first thing to greet you when you walked in and it is jaw dropping.

One of the most bizarre cultural norms down in New Orleans is you can drink alcohol in public! This particular drink is called The Hurricane which is a local favorite. It was very good!

 We also passed the famous Bourbon Street which I had to take a picture of.

I could not get enough of the architecture! The metal railings are a french design and I absolutely love them!

We ended up visiting St. Louis’s Cathedral which is the first established Roman Catholic church in the United States. I couldn’t believe how incredibly beautiful it was.

Flowers were beginning to bloom when we visited, they were very pretty!

A very popular thing in New Orleans is having artists sell their work on the street. I couldn’t believe how talented they all are!

These were some of my favorite pieces.

My aunt and I ended up visiting Cafe Du Monde which has been credited as having the best beignets in either the country or world, but I cannot remember. They also sold a chicory coffee which was amazing.

The aesthetic New Orleans gives off is everything.

Finally, on our last morning there, we went to a fun little coffee shop which had amazing coffee.

Overall, New Orleans was amazing and I’d absolutely love to visit again soon. If you are looking to travel and are unsure of where to go, I highly recommend New Orleans.

What are some places you recommend to travel to?

Have you ever been to New Orleans?

Nicole xo

P.S. I will hopefully be posting more soon. I know I haven’t been reliable lately when it comes to posts, but I have had a lot going on which I will update you on shortly ❤

Love Yourself, Hunny

Hello Loves,

Most of you know some of the issues I have encountered within the last few weeks. I have faced a potential break up, homelessness, and just some mental health crap. Throughout all of these issues I have managed to stay positive (most of the time), although it has been difficult.

So for starters, my boyfriend and I broke up.. ya.. it hurts.. a lot. But we ended on a good note and we decided to stay friends. We had many reoccurring issues and we never could seem to find a permanent solution to them, but one of the main reasons we ended was because we both realized we were holding each other back from reaching our goals and truly growing to our full potential. We both still love each other and agreed that this was not an easy decision, but we had to do what was best for us. This has really opened my eyes to the quote,

“If you love something let it go. If it comes back, it was meant to be. If not then it wasn’t.”

Night time is the hardest because that is when the feelings I’ve suppressed all day catch up to me. I have a hard time falling asleep as well as staying asleep. I have also been having awful dreams that emotionally drain me. Does anyone know of some mindfulness tricks that may help with that?

I am not sure what the future holds now because I have always seen him in it, but that is up to the universe to decide. We also agreed that we felt like we need the other in our lives in some way shape or form, and being friends will be the best option for now..

I am still very much in love with him. He means more to me than I think he knows, and I will always wish him the very best. I see him again in 2 weeks and honestly that is what’s keeping me going. I cannot wait to see him and to also see how our friendship grows.

On a lighter note..

I am currently working on my next vlog! I am running into some technical issues regarding not all of my footage being uploaded to my computer, but I cannot WAIT for it to be up and for you all to see it! What kind of videos would you all enjoy seeing?! What YouTubers do you enjoy watching??

Hope you are all doing well and I will talk again soon ❤

Nicole xo

P.S. Remember, a relationship does not define who you are. Don’t let anyone hold you back from growing into the best you. Sometimes you have to make tough decisions to do what is right. Even if it hurts…

Trying Times and Staying Positive

Hello Loves,

It has been way too long since I have posted on here, and fortunately I now have a laptop! So I will hopefully be able to post on here a lot more.

In other news… I have had a lot going on lately and I will try to update you all on them in the best way possible…

First, my boyfriend and I are currently on a break. It was a mutual agreement and in 3 weeks we will come back together to discuss where to go from there. Many factors went into deciding this but I am not going to go into details. This has been one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with but everyone goes through it at some point or another.

Second, my sister is moving to San Diego to live with her boyfriend. I am so happy for her and she couldn’t have found a better guy. I currently live with her so with her moving I will be displaced. I know I will find a place to live one way or another but the thought of finding a place and not having any stability is a little stressful. Even though this is the case I told her to go anyways because she should live her life and go be with her love.

Lastly, finances have not been easy. Between school and bills and other costs it has been difficult.

The point of me making this post was not to bring anyone down or make anyone aware of their own issues but to recognize that everyone is going through something and it is important to stay positive no matter how difficult that might be. There are many other things happening at the moment regarding my mental health but I am not going to be talking about that just yet.

I am a true believer in balance and for every bad thing happening there must be a good thing to balance it. For example, even though my boyfriend and I are taking a break, I am learning more about myself and the freedom that comes with not being in a relationship at my age. I have some amazing people in my life who support me and it has taken me a while to realize this.

If you are struggling right now with anything, keep your head up. Because (I hate it when people say this to me) it does get better and there are a million things to smile about everyday. Starting with that you are alive. You are breathing. That is amazing and I am so proud of you for being so strong. Keep going, because you’re already doing great ❤

Nicole xo

P.S. How were your holidays? Did you do anything fun?

October, Birthday, Life

Hello Loves,

I am currently writing this post on my phone so bare with me if it doesn’t come out as good as I planned haha

October was my birthday month and I previously said I’d write a post about it and right now I finally had time to do it!

So this birthday was special because I turned 21! In America that is the legal drinking age. But that isn’t all I did, I actually had lots of fun by spending some time with my cousins by going pumpkin/Apple picking! (Kinda)

Once we arrived it started pouring rain! The hayride that brings people to the Apple trees closed down so we decided to buy a pre picked bag and called it “Apple picking”, but the pumpkin patch and the garden were open so we decided to take a walk over to them.

It was a while since I last saw my family, so despite the rain I was glad to spend time with them.

The garden was absolutely beautiful. I had never seen anything like it!

Even though by the end of our trip we were soak and wet, we still had a great time making a fun memory.

Later that night was when my sister, my mother, and a few of my friends took me out to a Karaoke bar where I may have had one too many to drink… lol

This was the first thing my mother bought me that night. It was a strawberry margarita and it was really good!

That is the only photo I have of that night because.. well.. I think it was for the best haha (*^▽^*)

Over all I was very happy to be home. I was able to spend time with the people I love all while celebrating my birthday.

I want to apologize for being so absent on here lately.. things at school have been insane and I’m having a hard time trying to keep my mind straight. Do you have any advice on how to balance a school/work/social life? What do you do to treat your self?

I hope you are doing well. I love you all so much and thank you for taking the time out of your busy day to read my blog. It means more to me than you know.

I will talk to you soon.

Nicole xo

P.S. I went home the other day and was finally able to cuddle with my cat! So here is a picture of this adorable little creature. ^_^

Quick Update :3

Hello Loves!!

I am super sorry I haven’t been as active on here recently. I am officially back at school doing RA training. I have been away from a computer so I haven’t had a chance to update you.

Everything is going well! In the near future I plan on showing some RA ideas such as door decorations, programs, info boards, and so forth. BUT I will still keep up with my usual content. I am hoping for the next post to be soon!

What kind of things are you interested in reading about?

Nicole xo

Going back to school ^_^

Hello loves!

So next week I will be moving back into school to start my RA training meaning I may not be on here as often as I’d like to 😦 BUT I will try my hardest to still update this every week!

With that being said I am SO very excited to go back! I love living on campus because it is something that is my own. I am in full control of my own life and I love that. Are you in school? Do you want to go to college? What are you/do you want to study?

Nicole xo